Struggling to (EXIST)

If you were stripped of everything you identify yourself with, what would be left? Imagine that your car, your career, your iconic clothing were gone. Then what would those who know you associate you with? At that point, all that is left is actions and words? Either you would find yourself to have made a tremendous contribution to lives of those around you, or you would find that you do not exist at all.

I have been struggling with this lately. What defines my existence? Actually, I think that this is a question that I've been asking subconsciously for quite some time now. As i look back I can point out two seasons in my life in which the answer would have been completely different.
For a short time I attempted to create an identity. I drove a loud and rugged truck, chewed Copenhagen tobacco, and attempted to define my life with country music song lyrics. I lived in "Hicktown," loved to get "A Little Mud on the Tires" and when it came down to it all, I knew "A Country Boy can Survive." For a short time this seemed to satisfy my intrinsic desire to exist. I existed because I did the things that my worldview told me a boy like me was supposed to do.

After realizing that all I was doing was continually constructing for myself a false sense of security, I then allowed myself to venture into a new season in my life. I gave God the freedom to deconstruct, then reconstruct my identity. He began by removing some of these things from my life completely. I will readily admit that it was painful. However, once he had broken me down to my very core... when I reached that place where all I had were my actions and words, God began to give me a new identity. The significance of this is the nature of these actions and words. My actions began to reflect the God I was created to emulate. The words that came out of my mouth were now filled with universal and undeniable truth.

I found freedom from a vapid existence in an identity in Christ. Perhaps it was never really a desire to exist. Could it be that it was a subconscious and intrinsic knowledge that I actually exist for a specific purpose? Maybe we are born with a mission - a divine goal - and perhaps we misinterpret the desire to reach this goal as a desire for significance. I don't think that any of us will ever feel as if we exist, unless we recognize that the source of that existence can be found in God's ultimate plan for the entire human race. We, therefore, will never exist without the presence of Christ in our lives.

If I were president...

All the time we here someone say, "If I were president blah blah blah." Then they go on and tell us all of the things they would do differently. First of all, that's completely irrelevant. Second, it's boring. I don't care what you would do if you were president because even the people who become president never do what they said they would. Recently, I have been thinking about something far more meaningful.

Now, if I were president who would I take to the top with me? At first, i wondered who would be in my cabinet. Then I realized that no one cares who i would make Secretary of the State either. Then I really realized what was important. What kind of people would I put around myself to make each day flow smoothly into the next? Who would raise the first family? Who would get me to all of my important presidential destinations? Who would tend the presidential garden or handle the press for me? Well I figured it all out.


Secret Service - Bobby Nisbet
This guy is a real bouncer... at a real club. Whether they admit it or not, every guy secretly aspires to be a bouncer. Why? When you can tell someone you're a bouncer then you are the ultimate bad A. Plus you get to talk trash to drunk punks and get paid for it. Not only that, but I have seen him play Call of Duty. Well, I taught him everything he knows in Call of Duty, but I can't think of a better teacher. So, The Niz will be handling the Secret Service for El Presidente Garrett.

Presidential Janitor/Gardner/Mechanic/Handyman -Paul Moller
We find a broken ping pong table, who do I call? Paul Moller
My clutch begins to slip, who do I call? Paul Moller
Our pet rat Dwight keeps breaking down, who do we call? Paul Moller
Who has his own garden on his tiny little patio? Paul Moller
Who leveled up 37 times in the first day of being a member of Farmville? Paul Moller

So naturally, when Air Force One needs an oil change, or the furnace in the White House kicks it, or when I want to turn John's door nob around so I can lock it from the outside again who do you think I will call? Paul Moller

Speech Writer - John Matarazzo
Imagine if president Obama stood up to give a State of the Union address and began with a stunning illustration about homebrewing... The truth is that American politics have lost the presence of charisma. As president, I will usher in an era of charismatic brilliance. And I will do so by drawing from the exceptional talent of this exceptionally talented elocutionist.

Presidential Driver - Brennan Wells
Ok, we used to play Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit. I could have had the fastest cop car in the game and still not caught up to this guy. He is a wheelman that seems to frequently defy physics. For over a year he needed only 4 gears to do what most men would need 5 for. He frequently outruns Hurley's truck. Most importantly, five days a week he is forced to navigate the Wal-mart parking lot. I think that his past experience has prepared him to safely maneuver me far from the clutches of terrorists. One can only imagine what will happen when we put him behind the wheel of a powerful car with a switchboard full of tricks. He'll be smashing the gas, cranking the wheel, and dropping tear gas in the road to the dismay of the bad guys.

Hype Man/Public Relations - Matt York/Russel Joy
At first I thought just one man would fill both of these roles. I've since realized that these two in tandem would probably change the world. You see, if Matt York were to hype any type of public address, there wouldn't be a television in America that wasn't tuned in. The American people would be excited to hear from me even when they knew I was bringing bad news. Is it because I would have such an illustrious personality that no one could get enough of me? NO!!! It's because of Matt York.
Then there is Russel. I thought this one through. Some of the biggest media disasters have occurred for one reason. The person in front of the microphone cant's handle the press. Why then, would I have Russ deal with the media? Because we all know the press can't handle Russel Joy. In addition, if anyone ever runs a bad story about me then Russ will write a nasty poem about them. So who gets the last laugh?

First Lady - Ashleigh Aguilar
This one was so easy. For starters, there is not a woman in this world better suited to raise my children. Second, she is my best friend. Also, she is a phenomenal cook. I used to rate food on a scale from 1 to 10. I now rate food on a scale from Bobby to Ashleigh. This woman somehow knows exactly where every belonging of mine is at all times. She could be six hours away and she knows where I left my wallet. I can't even run my own life without her, so a country? Forget it. When I am president this country will owe it's sovereignty to Ashleigh.

Some NFL predictions... for 2010.

Let's face it; sports in this era are often over-analyzed. More over, the outcome of so many sporting events are often predicted quite extensively. Most weeks, the winner of any given NFL game is chosen 3 times on NFL.com, at least 10 times on ESPN.com. Meanwhile, each of the major networks carrying weekly games offer predictions for roughly 5 games.

One thing few people are talking about now are head coaches. There is continued speculation about the Buffalo Bills, however, I doubt that anyone would be willing to sign with that organization until we have a clearer picture of what other openings will be available. There are two names being tossed around the NFL right now. I have a theory as to where each will end up, as well as a prediction as to who will be wearing the headset in Buffalo next year.

Mike Shanahan
Bills fans would love to see Shanahan on the sidelines at Ralph Wilson Stadium. Unfortunately, they never will. This tenured coach has the luxury of being able to sit back and let jobs come to him, and I expect him to take a team with a little more potential for immediate success. In fact, I have developed a theory about which team that will be. Picture this, after years of empty promises and mediocre results I expect to see Lovie Smith to lose his job in Chicago. Imagine how heartwarming a scene it will be when Shanahan is reunited with the young quarterback he began developing in Denver. Conspiracy theorists eat your hearts out, in the upcoming offseason this dram will fill the void that the Favre Saga has filled the last two years.

Charlie Weis
I don't have quite as much to say about Weis. I have made some observations though. He seems to love the spotlight. Initially, he soaked up the prestige of the ND head coaching job and even when he's facing scrutiny he seems to love the bright lights and cameras. So what could possibly be a better place for him than the Big Apple?
His relationship with the Patriots will keep him from wearing green and white, but there is speculation that the New York football Giants will be looking for an OC next year. Don't be surprised if you see this guy side by side with Eli Manning.

The Buffalo Bills
Now, for this flourishing franchise I have an interesting theory. Once Dick Jauron was fired we began to hear alot of big names floating around, including the likes of Billick, Cowher and Shanahan. I don't think that Buffalo has the type of talent, money, media market or climate to draw a high caliber coach in like that. I strongly believe that this position will be held by someone who is currently coaching in the NFL. I expect to see someone get fired before finding a new home in Buffalo.
Who is the primary candidate for this job? I would say that it is probably John Fox. Unfortunately for Fox, a supposed franchise quarterback and poor front office management have quenched his coaching potential. Since someone besides the owner must take the blame, I think you will hear an announcement shortly after week 17 that Fox has been let go. This may work to the benefit of the Bills, because the misfortune that has led to Fox's lack of production should make him affordable. Ralph Wilson loves affordable. John Fox's next contract will be drawn up in Canadian Loonies, not US Dollars.

Back in business shortly.

The power cord to my laptop has stopped working. Great timing, over a break... As soon as my laptop is up and running I will be posting frequently again.

Interactions Between Matt and Paul are EPIC!!

"Let's borrow Super Smash Brothers Melee"

2.5 hours, three libraries and 96362 wrong turns later this mission was accomplished.

"Can you get this scratched disc replaced?"

$60, a trip to Gamestop, two trips to Target and an extra copy of Modern Warfare 2 late this quest was successful.

"I want to play Call of Duty while Matt is gone for the weekend."

All I can see is that this is the first time I have ever seen anyone pay $60 to rent a video game.

"Let's just sell the extra copy to Bobby."

45 minutes, 6 cash exchanges between 2 people, countless arguments and 7098123 stories (as to how this extra copy was acquired) later and a deal was finally made.

One thing is certain. We need a video camera. For if we fail to document these epically pitiful adventures would be robbing the world of a precious relationship.

Observation #1: Syracuse Basketball makes me feel at home.

The Hudson Valley culture is one that I have found to be vastly different from my own. Someone asked me once if I wear a fish hook on my hat because I "really do actually, like - like to fish." I get a strange look every time I mention a snowmobile. Then I get...
"There's a Mexico, New York?"
"I've been upstate, it's like a shack in the woods."
and when my friend Russ arrived at my house for a weekend his first question was, "Steve, what do you do around here?"
It's clear, I live in an overlooked and under-appreciated part of New York State. However, there is one thing that always makes me smile. That familiar sight of Jim Boeheim always warms my heart. That is the one thing in these parts that I can still have. I'm that guy at Buffalo Wild Wings sitting alone watching Syracuse blowout some team in a pointless game by 40 until the last second ticks off the clock. I'm that guy that watched the six OT marathon, before sleeping an hour and going to the airport. I'm the guy walking around the seminary campus during the preseason chanting "Let's go Orange."

But please don't look down on me, it's just one little part of home that I have while I'm here.

The First Step.

I am not a blogger. I have never been too fond of the idea typing just to put my life "out there." However, a recent assignment and a growing distance between family and friends have swayed me towards dedicating hopefully a few minutes a week to just that. These next few posts will most likely be short, pithy (and maybe sometimes pointless) observations about life. I promise, though, that in the midst of these I will provide you with something profound.