Struggling to (EXIST)

If you were stripped of everything you identify yourself with, what would be left? Imagine that your car, your career, your iconic clothing were gone. Then what would those who know you associate you with? At that point, all that is left is actions and words? Either you would find yourself to have made a tremendous contribution to lives of those around you, or you would find that you do not exist at all.

I have been struggling with this lately. What defines my existence? Actually, I think that this is a question that I've been asking subconsciously for quite some time now. As i look back I can point out two seasons in my life in which the answer would have been completely different.
For a short time I attempted to create an identity. I drove a loud and rugged truck, chewed Copenhagen tobacco, and attempted to define my life with country music song lyrics. I lived in "Hicktown," loved to get "A Little Mud on the Tires" and when it came down to it all, I knew "A Country Boy can Survive." For a short time this seemed to satisfy my intrinsic desire to exist. I existed because I did the things that my worldview told me a boy like me was supposed to do.

After realizing that all I was doing was continually constructing for myself a false sense of security, I then allowed myself to venture into a new season in my life. I gave God the freedom to deconstruct, then reconstruct my identity. He began by removing some of these things from my life completely. I will readily admit that it was painful. However, once he had broken me down to my very core... when I reached that place where all I had were my actions and words, God began to give me a new identity. The significance of this is the nature of these actions and words. My actions began to reflect the God I was created to emulate. The words that came out of my mouth were now filled with universal and undeniable truth.

I found freedom from a vapid existence in an identity in Christ. Perhaps it was never really a desire to exist. Could it be that it was a subconscious and intrinsic knowledge that I actually exist for a specific purpose? Maybe we are born with a mission - a divine goal - and perhaps we misinterpret the desire to reach this goal as a desire for significance. I don't think that any of us will ever feel as if we exist, unless we recognize that the source of that existence can be found in God's ultimate plan for the entire human race. We, therefore, will never exist without the presence of Christ in our lives.